is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
