new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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