my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
