I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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