So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
