Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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