Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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