Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize