guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
