you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
