just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
