My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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