Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
