I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
