guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
