I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize