why didn't you poke me back
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize