im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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