Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
