you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
