Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
