well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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