yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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