Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
