OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
