he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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