you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
