fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
