I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
