found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
