My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
