i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I got inside last night via doggy door
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
