He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize