I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
