I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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