Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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