Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
