I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize