I love black thongs
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
