I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
