dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
