I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
