her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
