Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
