he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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