Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We named our party play list daddy issues
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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