Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
