he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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