It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
