69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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