if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
