Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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