I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
