Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
