i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
