I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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