Whatcha textin bout Willis?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
