He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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