Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
