When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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