you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
