There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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