3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
