im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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