There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
