Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
