based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
