your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My breasts were aching with rage.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize