Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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