your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
