did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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