JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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