even my farts smell like vagina
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
