Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Vodka?
Forever.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
