He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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