He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
