i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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