yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
