you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
