She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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