Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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