my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
