The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize