Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Everything about him screamed your future.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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