Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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