So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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