she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
