best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
