you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize