Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
