Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
