Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
