I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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