Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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