I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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