and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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