...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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