redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
