Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
