I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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