GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
